why do you make people feel less than what they are

If there is anything like a good answer to this question, I'd give it, but really, I'm just not sure why I'm like that. I don't filter what I say, it just open my mouth and words come pouring out, and I think things that are really mean. My running theory is that I'm just a negative person, maybe even a bad one, but if you have a theory I'd like someone else's opinion.

If it makes you feel any better, because I know I do that, I make no effort to meet new people, and so only spend time around people I already and truly like. So I just end up doing it to them, and I know I'm doing it, and a lot of the time it kills me inside.

Ask me anything

InacTVity

I've noticed something in the recommended pages section of facebook when I'm on it. It shows two pages [like the one for this that no one interacts with] on whatever topic it thinks you might like. Some of these show a line like "Many who liked X also like this" [if you're already a fan of X] or "Some number of your friends like this"; both of which are reasonable cause to suspect that I might like this thing too.

Other times however, the only justification for recommending it that facebook can find is how many fans it already has, irregardless of any of them being your friends [or mortal enemies] or not. I assume you all use facebook [if you don't, what the fuck's wrong with you?? Are you 74 or something??] so next time you're on it and from now to infinity, pay attention to the levels of fans for the things it recommends. Maybe you've already noticed it.

Here's what I'm getting at: Some sort, any sort, of activity or thing you'd do will absolutely have a fuckload less fans than a TV show or "public figure". For instance, "Sitting on the beach at night" right now has 517,000[ish] fans, whereas "The Office" [the good one with Steve Carrell] has fucking 4,841,000[and change] fans. This is not a one-off thing.

Pick virtually any TV show made after 2001 and any basic human activity, and odds are that the show is a fuckload more famous than the activity. And in the cases where the difference it isn't multiplying the fanbase of the activity to get the fans of the show, then it'll still be about five times.

All those people who spout on about how people today don't have enough interaction with people and blame TV and all that shit?? Well, when you notice something like this, you can't really argue with them. I mean, I have hung around a beach at night on several occasions, and they were all pretty awesome. Night-time sea [barring monsters and serial killers] is a really beautiful thing, but I'm still way more stoked to new episodes of Lie To Me.

Reasonable Difficulty Settings: The Holy Grail Of Video Games

I play, many video games, in my life. And one thing that has always pissed me off is the difficulty settings. The whole "easy/normal/hard system" is so fucking retarded. And don't let them fool you with that "casual/hardcore/something I can't remember" bullshit either; it means the same goddamned thing, they just want to look kool or some bullshit but they're not cos they were all made by 40-year-old white guys.

And don't get me wrong; there really does need to be different levels of difficulty within a game, coz there are people of very different skill levels who will play it. I just get pissed off how game developers keep screewing up after like 20+ years shit to build on.

Some games have their settings are way too extreme in any given direction. Meaning that for one game, the easy setting may be absurdly easy, the normal setting fairly easy, the hard setting okay and another game will have the easy setting as balls-crushingly difficult [and just gets worse]. These games piss me off, for obvious reasons.

Then there are games with really easy easy settings, really hard hard settings [that repatition physically hurt me to write, but I can be fucked fixing it] and then have the normal setting as hardly different at all from one or the other, and the developer laughs at you and mocks you in your dreams [or is that just me??].

It's so fucking rare to find a game with any difficulty setting which is just right. For me anyway. And since I'm writing this, I think it's my opinion that matters. Oh, you want me to take your feeling into account?? Well fuck you, if you really did you'd freaking comment on my blogs. And since you don't even after I have specifically asked you to, well, you can go ahead and suck my balls.

Lucidity.

So do any of you remember that post about lucid dreaming, I think it was Thursday last week?? Well, it's okay if you don't really remember it that well, because I basically forgot about it stright away. [What're you, perfect??] Especially that reality testign thing with the match I was so keen on, completely blanked out an hour later.

That is, I had forgotten until last night, as I was going to bed. Another thing I've read about trying to lucid dream [which I don't think I mentioned in that other post] was that telling yourself "I am going to remember my dreams" before going to sleep is a good trick, and I did so. And it fucking worked!!!! I wasn't lucid [in case you haven't been keeping up, that means I didn't have any sort of control] but I did remember a a good percentage of it. If you think that's not really that great, well fuck you, coz it's an improvement from not remembering anything, at all, amen.

As such, I've made the decision to seriously go down this path. [INFINITE POWER, BOO YEAH!!!] And a result of that I've decided to funnel the whole thing through an entirely new blog, rather than clog this ones awesomeness up. It's title is Lucidity [in case you're wondering, that underline means that it's a link you fucking retard], and you can keep track of it if you want, or not I don't really care. It's more for me than you, but I suppose you might find it interesting to see what bizarre things happen in my dreams compared to yours.

An Adventure In Crappy Second-Handedness

There's a little second-hand store down the road from me that I walk past every know and then [but a lot when Uni is on; it's on the way to the bus stop], and because I literally had NOTHING more interesting to do, I went and did some perusing of it today. Basically it's split into two rooms, one for clothes, and one for everything else. I completely went by the clothes and into the other room. Clothes have never been something I'm interested in, even though I cold clearly dress many people [including some of you, readers] far better than they dress themselves. I just can't be bothered.

So I walk into the room of objects of all shapes and sizes, and see if there's a pattern I can use. Immediately noticing that about 50% of the whole damn room was all old diningware, and crappy china, and little boxes that smelt funny, I looked at basically every last one of them. A good deal of the stuff there actually looked kind of nice, but the problem was that most of them smelt freaky.

There were these empty bottles that looked real fancy, but it turned out they were empty perfume bottles that wouldn' be opened and smelt of some weird ass perfume. The scent reminded me of something that a really saucy woman in the 50's would wear when she was out seducing rich men. And with those images firmly ingraining themselves in my mind, I continued on.

The next thing that caught my eye was a tall, jaggedy glass bottle, you know those kinds with the coloured sands in them?? The patterns of the sands in this one were really kool, like curved, colourful teeth in the sides. I'm not sure why I didn't buy it, it was only $3 and it didn't even smell horrible. I guess I'd forgotten about it shortly after I put it down. I forget things sometimes, so what?? What're you, perfect??

Anyway, on a shelf just below that was a really big square glass bottle with a glass stopper. It was one of those ones with the spikey square pattern on them and look like they're meant hold like 300 year old brandy in them or something. Looked freaking awesome. Totally purchased.

They were the only things of note in that half of the room [no wonder there's never anyone in there] so I turned to the other half, and saying that my spirits were lifted would be such a horrible, horrible overstatement that I would have committed myself to an institution for the criminally insane. It was all absolute garbage, in the sense that I'm sure a good portion of it was stolen from the tip or people rubbish bins.

There were crummy old bags, shoddy old toasters and microwaves, basically all verieties of the junk you'd have lying around your own home [or next to your own trash cans], just all of the crap in the store was already junkified for your convenience. And then there were shelves with bedsheets and quilts. You know how people use the term "pre-loved" for second hand goods?? To hell with that crap.

Also, saucy grandma.

The Awesome Men Who Stare At Goats

I finally saw 'The Men Who Stare At Goats' today, and it is legitimately one of the greatest movies ever made. I can't even begin to properly explain how awesome it is, but I'll give it my best [and fail, start drinking scotch and complain that life "Isn't what it used to be"]. Firstly, considering the books and websites I've been reading lately, the fact that it's about psychics and hippies is so coincidental that it's not. Clearly it is a message from the universe, although I was a bit busy laughing my ass directly off of myhindquarters to get just what it was saying, but I'll figure it out. [How complicated could a message from the Universe be, right?? ... Right??]

I don't want to ruin the movie either, but I don't see how I can amange not too.... Ah to hell with it, I'll just talk about things I liked and fuck to spoilers. [Also: SPOILER ALERT] The first funny/awesome thing in the movie for me was when some sergeant explained to some commander [or something like that, I don't give a crap about their rank] explained that the communists were investigating psychics because they'd heard America was, but they weren't, but now that the Ruskies were they should too. ["They think the story about it being a story is just a story."]

Plus there are two quotes from near the end that are just endless points of humour or rants. Like a subliminally messaged soung titled "Don't get drunk before operatiing heavy machine guns." Seriously?? For a fucking army base?? Are there really soldiers who need to be told these things?? If so, then WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY ALLOWED TO BE SOLDIERS when they clearly have the mental capacities of born-retarded duck who was treated to a lobotomy.

And when two of the characters fly off into the sunset in a helicopter at the end, the main characters voice-over explains that "Their helicopter crashed, maybe because of a hostile RPG, or maybe coz that's just what happens when people fly a helicopter when they're tripping on acid." Best fucking quote ever! Also that sounds fun. I want to do that.

And when [earlier on] they look into a room with a man being subjected to nothing but the barney the dinosaur theme song, and it is explained as "The Dark Side". I fully endorse this point of view. Barney is the Agent Of All That Is Evil [equal rank with Glenn Beck], and I have known this for many years, yet others for some reason seem to think this ridiculous. I have no idea why.

Freaking see this movie if you have not. Also keep in mind: Marney is evil.

Lucid As A Kite

Whilst browsing stumbleUpon [I fucking love that site], I came across a guide explaining the phenomenon of lucid dreaming, plus some basic tips on how to achieve it. For those of you who don't know, I'll fill you in on lucid dreaming. Basically, a lucid dream is one where you are aware that you're dreaming, and have control over it. The amount of control can vary from deciding which direction to go in and, say, pummeling the crap out of Superman and declaring yourself Sex-King of The Land Of Rock, formerly known as Earth [for instance].

Apparently a whole shit load of books and studies have been made concerning lucid dreaming, which doesn't surprise me in the least, coz let's face it, who doesn't want the power to do absolutely anything they want to, regardless of physics or morality every single night?? [I sure as hell fucking do.] The difficulty in achieving the almighty power of lucid dreaming is that you never realise it when you're asleep. If you do, it normally wakes you up, which is a problem when people try to go for lucidity [seriously, is it just me or does this sound like some kind of drug??]. Knowing that you're asleep [when you're actually asleep] is the first and most important step. So here's some tips that will supposedly help you achieve lucid dreaming.

According to a number of sources [this isn't the first time I've heard of lucid dreams] keeping a dream diary will help you. Apparently you can eventually notice patterns, making it easier for you to realise that you're dreaming. Another method which is extremely less lame is called reality-testing. Basically, you walk around with a little piece of paper with writing on it. A few times every day, take it out, read it, look away for a second, then read it again. Supposedly, in dreams it'll change 75% of times on the first recheck, and 95% of times on the second. I have no idea how they calculated that.

However, that method doesn't quite crazy enough for my tastes. So instead, I'm going to walk around everywhere with a match in my pocket. About six times every day, I'm gonna take it out, stare at it, and try to set it on fire with my mind. If it ever works, I'll put it out and try it on something bigger, like a house. If it work's I'll know I'm dreaming, and awesomeness shall ensue.

Happy dreams everybody!!

I, Wicca

So today I founf this quiz from someone on tumblr. It's called the Belief-O-Matic, and it seems fairly legit, with the way its set up and everything. I highly recommend it to all of you [meaning that you'd better do it as I want to hear about your results], and there ar some other quizzes there that look interesting, but I haven't checked, so if they emotionally scar you, I'm not responsible. Also, I got some interesting results.

FIrsly, my rating for compatability with Roman Catholicism was 14%, strongly reaffirming my desire to be excommunicated. [Also, what's with calling it Roman Catholicism?? Is there another form of Catholicism we don't talk about??] My aptitude for being a Mormon is 22%. Let us never speak of that again. And my compatibility with Islam ranks at 35%, which doens't surprise me in the least.

I mean, look at Catholicism; "God will spare us punishment coz he loves us." "Why does he love us??" "...Just coz." Not great in the sense making department. Whereas Islam's approach to God is more along the lines of walking up to him, mkaing gun-shaped gestures towards him with both hands and exclaiming "You the Man!", him nodding, and not squishing peoples. Yes, I do realise that both are more complicated then that, but really, they're not bad explanations, and the Muslim one makes more sense.

Oh, you want to know what my top religion was?? 100% compatability for Neo-Paganism. So if you'll excuse me, I need to go chant at an image of a surprisingly slim and sexy Gaia painting in the center of a pentagram.

Catcha ya's later!

Dispassionate

In many ways, my first semester of Uni was fucking awesome. And I'm not ashamed to admit that most of that is having a bookstore and a subway on campus. But in other capacities, I find myself kind of disapointed.

Like, you know all of those American movies you see that are set in a "College" [as they call them] ?? I really expected all of those rallies and protests to be there. There was like, a few days where booths for different causes and shit were set up, and you could like, sign up or something, but it all felt very hollow. The people there just sat around, let you come at your own pace.

I expected charismatic leaders yelling at us through bullhorns, accusing us of allowing atrocities to continue and begging us to take up arms against the perpetrators. But that wasn't what it was; there was no passion to any of it. If there were, I probably would have signed up for something, or gotten into a fight with followers for something I stood against. And that would have been better.

Having an excuse to get into fights with people is always good. Isn't that what Uni was for anyway??

Video Violence

I get really sick of people who oppose creating an R18 rating for games [and seem to oppose gaming itself] going on and on about desensitisation. Yes, constantly exposing yourself to [sometimes very realistic] simulations of violence and nastyness does make it affect you less, but it doesn't dehumanise you.

Virtually, I've been in fucking hundreds of warzones, and when given the oppotunity, I've taken innnocent civilians and fucked shit up, but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to care if someone actually starts killing people. I mean come on, who the fuck would not care about that?? The kind of person who just wouldn't care anyway, video games or no.

Paying graphic video games [or watching similarly themed movies for that matter] doesn't make people not care about things anymore. Sure it, we don't respond as massively as we otherwise would, but that's a good thing. If I had never played or seen any form of violence previously in my life and was then mugged, I'd probably completely shut down. After I've seen all of these things and had the artificial experiences, I reckon I'd deal okay. I'd still be shaken, but I'd be able to cope.

I'd also be able to cope with stabbing a careless mugger.

whos the most beautiful person you met at school?

Ah, that's a tough one. There were some good looking people in that group. Hmmmm... It was definitely one of the girls, they were better looking tehn the guys on average... Gah, too many beautiful people, I can't decide.

Ask me anything

Random Wounds

About five minutes ago, I came to a very serious conclusion: I am a fucking retard. I was just sitting here, doing nothing really, and I look at my hand, and I have a bloodied knuckle. Not some little scratch, an uneven triangle of my skin has simply been grazed down. It's as if I had pnuched a roughly-surfaced wall in a rage, then dragged my hand down for about ten centimetres, to emphasize my point.

But here's the thing: I definitely didn't do that. In case you want to know how I know, it's because I would remember doing that. Besides, the extent of the damage was limited to this one knuckle, not the rest of my hand which would also have been ubjected to that sort of torment.

But then how the fuck did it get there?? Seriously, there is skin missing, which was not missing about three seconds before I noticed it was missing. Was it aliens?? Do they think I'm on to their astounding plot to control and dominate humanity?? AM I on to their astounding plot to control and dominate humanity?? We will never know..... [/looks off to the horizon. Indoors.]

Did I do it?? How?? Is my depression manifesting itself into an alternate personality that's suicidally depressed and trying to end it all?? Maybe not, but it does give me a great idea for a screenplay. Was it some sort of rare invisible insect that lives off human skin?? Maybe not, but again, great idea for a screen play.

I have work to do. What was I talking about before??

Improving Myself: Twelve Migraines Later

I am not a perfect person. In fact, if Jesus came down from Heaven and judged the living and the dead, right now, he would take one look at me, lose all faith in humanity, turn gay, then shack up with the devil and adopt an orhpaned baby chinese girl. [Whom he'd orphaned himself, by raping her parents to death with his prophet-powers.]

I have flaws is what I'm getting at, in my own round-about, murderous and sexually perverted manner.

But I try to be better than I am, and I'd like to think that that counts for something. [Being a realist makes that hard, but I manage.] For instance, anyone who has known me at all over the past few years has been aware of my particular... feelings... regarding Jews. With a lot of back breaking effort, a firmly clenched jaw and enough repression to take twelve years off of my life however, not one anti-semitic statement or exclamation in well over a month. [Unless you count simply exclaiming "Jew!" when stubbing your toe, in which case it's a little under three weeks.]

Sound bad?? Well it used to be a hell of a lot worse. I'm not going to go into details [because you may feel obligated to inform some sort of moral authority] so lets just say it was unpleasant. But I recognised that it was wrong to be so, and I've taken some real steps to change. Moderately successful steps I might add.

So HIP HIP HOORAY for me!! ;)

An External Illusion

No one is perfect. Everyone knows that, but I don't think that it's actually sunk in for the vast majority of people. It hasn't really for me.

List as many people as you can. Friends, family, work mates, school mates, whatever; just list them. Now picture them all, what their day is like. Seriously, stop reading and do it, if just for one or two people. [I'm not kidding here, go on.] [Seriously, fuck off and do it.]

Now that you have [/glares] done so, what was it like?? The way you imagined their life, I mean?? It was happy wasn't it?? Had some sort of romanticised, ideal undertones, at the very least. I can't prove your vision was, but I know that whenever I imagine anyone elses life, it's always happy, and there isn't really anything wrong with it, even if I know otherwise. And I have this nagging suspicion that I'm not the only person who does this.

But why do I [or you for that matter] do that?? I'm sure there's some fancily-worded "phenomena" somewhere in my psyche textbook, but those explanations never really mean anything. They explain what people do, even why they do it, but they don't explain why people are like that. They just can't; no one has those answers. People do what they do, and we can't ever really understand them.

Such is life.

Julia Gillard Day

I'm going to be as brief as possible in this one blog, and try not to be too offensive. I'm not making any promises of course, but I think this subject material should be a certain way.

A few days ago, Julia Gillard became the first female Prime Minister of Australia. She accomplished this by walking around a corner with a hatchet, pointing at Kevin Rudd, then charging in with an animalistic cry and hacking him to pieces, his blood spurting all over her face to the screeching sound of a violin. [Okay, I slipped, but what are you, perfect??] The whole process took less then 24 hours, reducing the poor man to tears [and presumably extremely small, bloody pieces].

Now, I was never a big fan of K-Rudd. I didn't much like him at all. To be perfectly frank, given the opportunity, I probably would have punched him in the throat. [With a screwdiver.] But I respected the fact that the Australian people had voted for him to be Prime Minister. People did not vote for Julia GIllard to be Prime Minister. They didn't even vote for her to be Deputy Prime Minister; they were just okay with it, as long as they got Kevin Rudd in the top job. The people will remember this.

I vote that the date on which this atrocity was comitted should forever be known as Julia Gillard Day. It will be honoured for the wrongs comitted on it throughout time, as all will remember her act by finding someone who trusts them and stabbing them in the back like a soulless she-demon!!!!!! And the real victim here: the Women's movement. From now on, they have to deal with the fact that Australia's first Prime Minister was a heartless devil who can never be trusted.

Bet you can guess who I'm definately NOT voting for next election??

The Immortals

Today I hired Dorian Gray from video ezy. It's acutally better than the book itself [even though, in fact especially because, it doesn't stay perfectly true to the book], which is a first in the history of the human race, but that's not what this is about. The movie got me thinking about the concept of imortality itself. I don't think that immotality is for everyone.


Think of the practical implications. Immortals would have to be unable to breed, otherwise shit would get overpopulated and incesty, FAST. Don't think they'd happen?? The world has a population surplus right now, imagine what it woud be like if no one got old and died but kept having babies. And if they did have babies, they'd have babies, and they'd have babies, and they'd have babies, and they'd hae babies who would grow up and look exactly the same age as the first round of people. But this would be generations apart, and most relatives wouldn't keep in contact. And eventually they'd meet their great-grandchildren. And I'm not going to explain the next step, but I'm sure you can imagine it. In short, no babies for immortals.

But then there's a problem. The population wouldn't stay stable. Accidents always have and always will happen. Unless these immortals are entirely indestructible [which is about as probable as the Sun and Neptune breeding and having a litter of meteorites] then eventually some will die off, whether by accident or murder, which is never going to go away. Then the population would permanently go. And it could only go down if they couldn't breed.

So there could never be a stable society which is entirely comprised of immortals. They would have to be a minority, and so by definition are elitist. I'm not sure where I'm getting at with all of this, I'll have to think on it. And by all means, coment if oyu have an opinion.

Anon.

I know I said yesterday that I'd write on E3 some more today, but since no one is actually reading this [5 views yesterday?? That's cheering.] I'm just gonna do that later and talk about something I feel like talking about. Because this is my blog and if oyu don't like then just go away coz !#&$ to you.

I want to know everyone's opinion on what they think on internet anonymity. Not just yay / nay, I mean what you think about it in all of its different formats. Like on formspring, where you can ask a question completely anonymously. I guess that that will allow people to ask some questions which they wuldn't normally, but isn't that itself kind of wrong?? If you're not willing to openly ask someone a question, do you really deserve to know??

And I posted a comment on another blog last night, and the exact subtite under the text field was "Pick Your Identity". The options were as m Google account, a different name, anon. and something else, I odn't remember. But isn't that, little weird?? Like "Who do you feel like being today??" I just find it a little disturbing that hiding who you are and completely faking your identity are so common that they're official options.

Kinect My Fist To Your Face

E3 is the most important event in the year for the gaming community, in my opinion anyway, and anyone who'd argue for something else would still concede it's a really big deal. Now, with that sort of status, it doesn't sound promising that the opening article concerning it is titled: "The Day The Gaming Industry Died: Impressions From E3 2010". And for the love of god, they're not wrong. Tomorrow I'm going to voice my opinion on some of the points, but today I want to focus in on something I think has gotten a bad rap.

Namely; Microsoft Kinect. This is Microsoft's response to motion controls, apparently, and in Cthulu's name, a picture of one demonstration seriously makes me want to kill myself. It's on that link up there, I can't even bring myself to look at it again. The culmination of the demonstrations led to Sony hardly mentioning their equivalent, presumably out of shame and self-loathing.

Kinect is like an eyetoy in that it responds to actual movents you make over video with out a controller. You move, and it interacts with whatever's happening in virtual world place thing.

But I have hope for Kinect. The fact that all the morons at Microsoft could come up with is limited to some ugly white guy dancing like a freak and a little girl imaginary petting a tiger and turning her head and giggling when it licked the screen, as if she could feel it [really?? God some people are retarded] means nothing for what it oculd lead to. [Actually, now that I think about it, they may not have been the only two demonstrations, it's just that they were so traumatising I can't seem to remember anything else.]

Think of what this could mean for FIRST PERSON FIGHTERS. You could actually block blows with your arms. You could fight friends with avatars made from photos of them, and actually punch your mates in the face!! Who knows what could be done by some creative genius for D&D style games. And did I mention that you could punch your friends in the face online!! Or give them the finger if the technology could register it!! How awesome would that be??

False Facebook Friends

I'm getting a little sick of people I don't know trying to friend me on facebook. Lots and lots of people reading, oh, say this, that I'm kool with. But there's a difference on facebook. And there have been dozens of people WHO I HAVE NEVER MET NOR HEARD OF trying to friend me over the past few months.

Maybe I could understand people who have some friends who I'm friends with. That I can get. But today I got a friend request from a guy who had no mutual friends with me. None. What the would he want to friend me for?? Does he not understand the meaning of the word friend?? As in, someone you somehow ACTUALLY KNOW??

It's bizarre. I just don't get it. t's like those people who have friends on facebook who openly despise each other and just use it as an avenue to argue about nothing at all. What the hell??
How have you not blocked them?? Are you retarded?? Or are you all just disgusting freaks of attention whores??

Probably that last one.

Airport: The Pinnacle Of Douchedom In Travel

I went to the airport this morning, and I have a few minor rants to let off my chest.

Firstly, why is it like a [not very] small mall?? It's meant to be an airport. You know, where people travel through the heavens in big phallic objects with the intent to mock God?? [That, and get from place to place.] I guess I can understand those big hub airports which are go betweens for gazillions of flights having a bunch of stores, but this is Adelaide Airport. If anything ever was, it is the end of the line.

And speaking of the stores, what the hell is with them?? Why are 35 of the 40 there open at 6:20 and NOT ONE GOD DAMNED CAN OF ENERGY DRINK IS TO BE FOUND. Plenty of coffee, plenty of liquor, even an entire store devoted to ties and luggage bags. I'm pretty sure travellers should already have bags for their luggage when they get to the freaking airport.

And what's this duty free crap; tax-free shopping?? Why is it tax-free?? Does our government not want money tainted by foreigners?? Is it some gesture of crappily executed good will?? And if it is for foreigners benefit, then why can I just waltz right on into the airport [re: go through security] and buy any shit I want and not get checked for being a foreigner??

And why is there NO security on the way out of the airport, as opposed to a 15 minute long security check on the way in?? So, we definately can't smuggle anything IN to the airport, but if we come off a domestic flight it's perfectly okay for us to take weapons into the general population.

And on the miniscule screens that shows people arrival and departure times, there's a column for when planes are supposed to arrive and a whole new column next to it showing when the plane will actually arrive. I get that shit happens, things get delayed, but when you have a permanent slot devoted to showing just how late EACH AND EVERY PLANE will be, something is very wrong and needs to be fixed.

Phew. Now I can breathe again.
NO ENERGY DRINKS!!!! AT ALL!!!!

What YouTube video made you laugh recently?

I have not watched ANYTHING on youTube for like a million years because my net is so crappy. I'm seriously dying.

Ask me anything

Nope. With superficiality, come superioirity. With superiority comes a need to be the majority. Leading to extermination of the others. LOOL, actually that's just my opinion. Who knows..

Hmmm, I guess what you're saying does kind of make more sense, but I'm gonna try and have a little [misplaced] hope in the decency of humanity.

Ask me anything

Have you read the book Pretties and Uglies? I think thats what theyre called. Everyones born ugly and then when they turn 16 they go through some sort of caterpillar/butterfly-like-transformation and then theyre pretty for the rest of their life.

Um, no. Sounds like an interesting idea, but one of those ideas that is very easily corrupted into something grossly mushy and sweet.

Ask me anything

LOL. Wars as in all the 'beautiful' people may decide they're the only true people that deserve to live - and dream up a form of genocide to get rid of all the non-designer people.

Oh yeah. I suppose that could happen. I'd say its more likely that they'd all just selfsegregate and try to pretend all the ugly people don't exist. Or maybe we're both being too negative; maybe they'd try to like, make sure all the ugly people get to enjoy their beauty or something.

Ask me anything

Most people will learn to love themselves though. Even you probably love at least most of yourself. Designing children is only going to lead to superficiality and possibly wars, even. Who's Christina Hendricks?

Yeah, I suppose you are right on the first two points. But I definately disagree that designer children will lead to superficiality and wars. Yes, superficial people will have designer children, but they would have done something along those lines with them after they were born anyway. Most people will realise just how screwed up it is to design your child in your image and stay sane. And I've honestly no idea how it could lead to war. Heated debates and rallys like the abortion issue sure, but wars??

Christina is an amazingly beautiful american actress. Just look her up in google images. [Don't worry, I just checked and with no safeSearch there wasn't any nudity..]

Ask me anything

I often think you say things just to be different, to wind people up and look like you have some radically different point of view. Which doesn't help you, because often it's either rude, nasty or utter bullshit. What's with the shallow take on beauty?

The shallow take on beauty is partly how shallow I think beauty is and partly how shallow I really am. One of those double belief things I'm trying to rid myself of.

I definately don't say things just to be different, I honestly believe what I say when I'm saying it. But it's definately happened before with me saying one thing and someone [actually, I think you on one or two occasions] showing me how I'm wrong. So sometimes what I say does turn out to be bullshit. That rude and nasty side of things is just angry me leaking through as he often does.

Ask me anything

Pedantic-Pants

Have you ever met someone who always corrects your grammar [or spelling if they can]?? Or always points out how your references to movies or something are wrong?? Or anything like that really, they just keep correcting you. We all know someone like that.

Example: "Me and Alex went-" "You mean Alex and I" "NO ONE GIVES A FUCK"

Well apparently, and this is news to me, people don't like that. For some reason, people don't like it when they are constantly corrected. So much so that one unnamed [but labelled] person asked me to write a blog on it. [Which it is okay to do. Seriously, I've asked you to make requests, WHY DO YOU IGNORE ME SO??] Anyway, basically the deal is that normal people don't like pedantic people. But I'd like to clear up just exactly what pedantic is.

When someone says that they had previously "walk to the store and back", and they are corrected with "You mean you walked to the store and back", the replier is not being pedantic. The first speaker was in fact retarded. When one person says that extreme right and left wing governments all end up the same way and someone else replies that they often have different business regulations, the second person can go fuck themself. In the first example, the second speaker is being pedantic BECAUSE THAT RULE IS STUPID, POINTLESS, ARBITRARY AND RETARDED AND ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE I WILL ATTACK IN THEIR SLEEP.

Do you not agree that if we all have different perceptions on beauty, changing our children is not in fact making them more beautiful? There is no point? We all learn to love ourselves. We don't want to love someone else (an altered us).

I'm pretty much willing to accept your first point [mostly because its right]. The rest of it though is complete bullcrap. Plenty of people do not love themselves. I am often among them. Especially on the point of beauty. And again in both a beauty and non-beauty capacity I love plenty of peope. [But guess which category Christina Hendricks falls under.]

Ask me anything

eleven11

For those of you fortunate enough to not have been distracted and confused by this strange phenomenon, apparently the minute 11:11 has some sort of significance. Now I'm not usually one to rip on peoples retarded beliefs [this is a lie] but come on, how could I pass this up.

From what I've gathered [and to be fair I tend to tune out when people I know I'll lose the argument with are being retarded] you're supposed to make a wish at 11:11. No one actually told me that they come true. Just like the thing with birthday cakes. [Which I definately never believed. /Shifty eyes.] I think it's of some crappy art house movie.

Now I'm going to over look the wish part. I can't even start that. However I will point out how unimpressive the time of 11:11 is. I mean, it's just the same number, four times, with some dots in the middle. Woo-fuckin-hoo. If this thing had been put at like 12:34, it would be a bit more interesting. Personally I would be happy to accept that any child conceived and/or born at 12:34:56 [hours:mins:seconds] will have magical powers. Or perhaps something like 12:48, so the number doubles each time.

Come on people, if you're gonna have a retarded belief, at least make it interesting like scientology did. Put some effort in.

Gene Therapy: The Right Thing To Do

I don't like people who deny progress because they think it MIGHT lead to SOME bad effects. There are many, many cases of this, but the particular example that's on my nerves at the moment is stupid people who reckon that the inrtoduction of gene manipulation in foetuses [foeti??] is a horrible thing. For those who don't get what that means, it's basically changing the specs of unborn babies to determine what they'll be like when they get out of there.

The benefits of using this to effectively destroy hereditary diseases is undoutable. But there is a good deal of unhappiness over the fact that parents will also be able to change what the kid will look like when they grow up too. Supposedly this will make people more and more generic to conform to some sort of standard definition of beauty as parents try to make their kids more attractive.

Firstly, what the hell is wrong with helping kids be more attractive?? The world would be such a happier place if everyone was beautiful. Think about it. No ugly people. Unless I'm mistaken [which I'm not] that's a deciding factor in most peoples conceptions of heaven [definately in mine]. And that whole scenario won't come to pass anyway. Every single human being has their own opinion on what beautiful is. Many of them are very similar, many of them clash horribly.

And even if every last baby in the human race [including all of the babies from third world countries, YOU RETARDS] gets some sort of gene therapy to look towards ONE SINGLE idea of beauty, it doesn't matter, because beauty is an entirely relative concept. If everyone in the world was on what is now the beautiful end of the appearance spectrum, then those who were still closer to ou definition of ugly would become the ugly people of that world, there would just be less differentiation.

So fuck off and let us make the world a more beautiful place.

Would you rather get up early or sleep late?

Well, I'd like to say sleeping in late, but getting up nice and early at 10am is a great feeling.

Ask me anything

El Doggo

I like dogs. No matter how I feel or what I'm thinking, I always smile when one barks at me. Dogs are awesome. Unfortunately mine smells bad because we don't wash it enough, and I don't wash it because I don't really love it because she's very fickle and immediately abandons me as soon as someone else is present [the slut]. But in a rented home a long time ago and hopefully far far away [yet also in the future somehow] I will have my own dog and they will be mine.

I shall have either a Scottish Terrier or a Caucasian Shepard. Scottish Terriers are those little furry dogs from the Chum commercials. And they're from Scotland, in case you didn't figure that out [which you probably didn't]. They're very cute. I want one.

Most people don't seem to know about Caucasian Shepards. I'm not a great explainer of things in case you haven't figured that out [which you probably haven't], but here goes. They are very fluffy and sweet looking. When they are puppies, they are the size of a human torso. Adults are about the size of a fully grown man. And not one of those sissy, adrogynous [and freakishly arousing] half-men like Alex Briggs. A real man. And they have massive teeth. Make for great attack dogs. I would name him Theodore.

Or perhaps both. You know all of those little kid cartoon shows or movies with the little dog in charge of the big dog. That'd be adorable.

DO NOT LAUGH AT ME!!!!!!

And never get me a puppy as a present. Because then I would be unhappy with it [because if I didnt pick it, it sucks] and would name it Hamlet. And it would get confused between itself and food. And then eat itself all up. Canine-abalism style.

Never Pay The Reaper With / Love Only

There's this song that I haven't heard in a while, good song even if it won't ever be popular, but there's one part right at the beginning that just...haunts me. It goes: "Never pay the reaper with / Love only" [Lucky by Biff Naked]

I can't quite explain the feeling, but it really does haunt me. Maybe you can relate with something from another song, I dunno. Sometimes it's like I need to figure out what it means. Does death not accept love as payment?? Does he have a sign on him saying NO LOVE like shops that don't have eftpos [because they're retarded and SHOULD HAVE FUCKING EFTPOS]?? Is it that he values it, but just not enough to mean anything by itself, like hes asexual or something?? [Which I suppose would make sense, seeing as he's a skeleton.]

Or maybe it's not even really meant to refer to the reaper at all. Maybe it's trying to say that we need to actually accomplish something with our lives other than just being mushy and stupid and obsessing over some person[s]. Which makes sense when I think about it, but then I mellow out and forget about it, then after a while the line comes back to haunt me and the whole process starts all over again.

Stupud brain. MAY CTHULU DEVOUR YOU!!!!

That's A Big-Assed....Ass...[Damn]

I am sick of and hate fat people. Not all of them, just some of them. Now it is a fact that some people are just genetically fat. [Although that big bones thing is a downright lie. Like your parents loving you.] Back in the times before food sources were reliable and famines were still an every other week kind of deal, having that extra meat on the bone let them outlive their skinnier [and largely {get it??} more attractive] contemporaries. Adds a real ironic dimension to survival of the fittest, huh?? [I'm on a roll {hah!} today].

I get that, it's fair, they really can't do anything about it. But then there really are people who need to put the motherfucking Cheeto's down. I know that they're delicious, but when you've eaten enough to suffocate all of the children in an orhpanage, it's time to stop. Today a fat guy got on the bus, and got off at the next stop twenty fucking metres down the road. And he got on in front of the supermarket. His bag had nothing but chips and soft drinks in it.

This guy needs only a watcher with a cattle prod [and legal immunity] to get less fat. And he has no excuse to not be so fat. And don't give me that different life choice crap. Yeah, he makes a choice; he chooses to force his hideousness on others, and should be punished for being so inconsiderate. He should be grilled alive [extra-crispy] and the meat should be cut into portions and served in different styles to dogs [such as mexican, italian, etc.] to see if different breeds like different styles of cooking over other.

Wow, that was specific to a massive {zing!} degree, huh??

BEST BLOGS EVER, PERIOD.

yes, I know. :)

Ask me anything

What do you think is the best way to defeat terrorism?

Well. Firstly, we need to admit we've been going about it all wrong with all the torture hidden away in jails. The torture needs to be as public as possible. That's how you discourage them.

Secondly, if these people weren't so damn stupid and poor they wouldn't bomb anyone to begin with, so we need to make them not poor and give them some basic education so they can blame their poverty on the right people. Not us.

Ask me anything

I Fucking Love Uni

So I needed to use the toilet before my tutorial today, nothing special in that. There was graffiti on the wall of the toilet stall, nothing special in that either. But no joke, this is the best graffiti that has ever been made in a public toilet.

Okay, so someone had drawn in pen a head with a penis going into it's mouth. [In case you're wondering, that isn't the awesome part.] In permant texta, someone else had drawn an arrow pointing to the head labelling it "The Australian People." And another arrow pointed to the penis saying "Bipartisan Politics."

And all that went through my mind was "I fuckin' love uni." Seriously. The cock drawings in the toilet stall are making a political statement. [And an entirely correct one at that.]

What an amzing place.

Formspring.Me Bitches

I've heard a whole bunch about this damn formspring thing for a while, but I've only really looked at it today. So far, I like the sounds of it. Chiefly, I like how it interlocks with facebook, that makes my life a whole fuckload easier. [Although not to the level of some people I know. SNAP]

I like the concept of it too. The whole ask a question anonymously thing I imagine will have and already has had some hiLARIOUS results. And it occurs to me know that I've said whole an unusually large number of times this blog. That's....odd.

Anyway, yes I like where this whole thing could lead. You can get to mine at: www.formspring.me/DrFacepalm

Feel free to ask me any question, but don't be surprised if I ignore some of them. And if I get one asking me how big my dick is, so help me God......

It's A Birthday, And I Don't Really Care

I don't get birthdays. Never really have. I mean, sure as a kid I was stoked for presents and shit, but I never really understood the concept. There's no real difference, but for some reason you're supposed to be.

The whole thing is like, "Congratulations, you managed to survive yet another year on this crappy planet with out being killed [and as such are not a retard] or killing yourself [and therefore are], have a party and some presents!!"

I just don't really get it. You don't change. There is no key difference between on the day before my birthday and me on my birthday. Hardly any at all, unless you count digestive changes. [And if you do, there's something seriously wrong with you.]

And I suppose I can sort of get what people are harping over, even if I think it's stupid, but pretty much everyone I talk to about this is like "What?! You're crazy." Even though I have a far stronger argument. Plus you'd think of all people my family would at least realise I think this way by now. But no, every time I forget someones birthday because they really mean nothing to me they get all offended or surprised. I NEARLY FORGOT MY OWN 18TH ENTIRELY, what the fuck makes you think that I'd bother to remember anyone elses birthday??

And every tyime it happens my opinion comes up I'm called crazy. Then they either completely forget that I even have an opinion on the matter or they assume that their accusation of loony meant that I instantly changed my opinion to completely align with theirs. EVEN THOUGH MINE MAKES MORE SENSE.

Well you know what? Fuck birthdays. They mean nothing.

Don't. Fuck. With. Chuck.

Are any of you 24 fans?? Well I'm not. Not because it's a bad show or anything, in fact writing wise they pull off some pretty kool stuff from time to time. [It also has some pretty stupid shit on it at times, just like any show.] Just not really the type of TV that I watch.

But today I got told by a fan that "Jack Baur makes Chuck Norris cry", and since Chuck, in his infinite wisdom, chose not to smite down the blasphemer, I fell I must do so. I'd like to think that he did not because he wished to allow me the opportunity to do so, but I would never presume to comprehend such an omnipotent being or to be noticeable to Him. [Because he'd kill me if I did.]

Now, to denounce the pretender. Jack Baur fights terrorists. Chuck Norris is where the idea of terror originally came from. Jack Baur works hard to get the job done. Chuck Norris thinks about accomplishing a goal, and it accomplishes itself. jack Baur uses a gun. Chuck Norris needs no gun. Ad infinitum.

In sumation, yes Jack Baur has his moments. Chuck Norris owns those moments, and all others.

Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ

Do you ever get those moments where something that you saw or heard waaayyyy back in the past just pop up in your head for no clear reason?? Well I had that about thirty minutes ago with a single line from a certain movie which shall remain unnamed.

Jesus H. Tap-dancing Christ.

Now just in case you don't understand, that is an expletive [a swear]. Normally it's just Jesus H. Christ, but in this instance the tap-dancing was added [if you've seen the movie you'll get it]. This got me thinking along an odd train of thought.

I mean, what if Jesus did tap-dance?? At first you might think that one of the most retarded questions ever put to you, but actually consider it. If Jesus used his Prophet Powers to tap-dance before it was ever invented, that's pretty freaking awesome. And it wouldn't have been him inventing it earlier, because someone else invented in the future, Jesus just looked forawrd and did it. It would mean that he did something which had not been invented yet. No one can reasonably deny how fucking kool that is, even if it is tap-dancing.

And it wouldn't even have been that stupid a thing for him to have done either. How would the sweaty, poor and oppressed people that Jesus preached to have reacted to him tap-dancing?? Their minds would have been fucking blown away, that's how.

J. May Needs To Stick To Music

I am definitely going to make an enemy or two from this post but I have to do it.

Now, I like John Mayer's music, what I've heard of it anyway, but the guy has some serious flaws. The whole letting racist things fall out of his mouth like carbon dioxide thing aside, what a fucking douche bag.

Since blogger is kind of gay [yes, I was warned, rub my nose in it at your own peril] it won't let me paste the link and it's way too long for me to type it out, but on CRACKED.COM at some point recently, a columnist ripped on him for a while for something about not reblogging, I dunno. But a central theme of the whole thing was JM trying way, way too hard to be hell deep and shit. One in particular flared my rage-nostrils:

"There's a level of travel that you can achieve wherein you almost cease to exist as you have been known to yourself. I don't mean it as in a feeling of meaningless, or emptiness, but a sort of new kind of existence takes place. You become just particles in motion, closer in frequency to a ghost or something."

Now, to be honest, I'm not sure where to start with ripping on JM for this [or if I could ever stop for that matter], but I'll just have at it and see where it goes.

Firstly, what sort of retard are you? You are always just particles in motion, it's how you fucking move. Also, a ghost? A ghost? Ghosts' don't have particles, their fucking ghosts you retarded donkey shit.

Next, "a feeling of meaningless"? Yeah, you're so fucking deep that you can't tell the difference between meaningless and meaninglessness. Ill help. Meaninglessness is a concious thing's state of feeling to have no meaning, meaningless is something having a permanent property of having no meaning, and both of them apply to you.

Lastly [because this rage cannot be good for my heart] the whole premise of this thing makes about as much sense as fake moustaches for monkeys. [Actually, that sounds kind of awesome, sctratch that.] What the hell does travel have to do with changing you?? Plenty of people travel and it has about as much of an effect on them as Kevin Rudd having high blood pressure. [None.] Journey's are the things that change people, travel is literally just moving the fuck around.

THERE'S NO WHITE WINE??!!!!

Okay, this happened on wednesday, and I should have ranted about it then, but screw you, get off my back, geez. Anyway.

I changed to channel 10, and master chef was on. And this show realli epitomises my hatred of "reality TV". Now, aside from the fact that all it really does is show you wonderful and probably delicious [it often looks so] food that most humans will never get to have, sometimes you have to come in at the last minute see how retarded it realy is.

I personally came in at a choice moment; some guy was taste testing some french sounding food for its ingredients, he said white wine. After a few seconds, the presenter that isn't retarded [I call him the Anti-Crevat] said "I can now say that there is definitely no white wine in the [foods name]."

Firslty, I can now say that? Now?? Was there someone who indicated that he could only respond a few seconds later?? He was looking off to the side during the wait, so he could have been waiting for a physical cue.

But the real thing was the reaction. I don't watch this show and don't know how it works, maybe one wrong answer in this scenario spelled doom, I dunno, but no joke, everyone either started crying, or did that manly equivalent where they nod their head. It was seriously like "Theres no white wine??!!! OH THE HUMANITY!!!!"

What a load of crap.

Come Back, Colbert

Every weekday on ABC2 at 7:33 I watch perhaps [absolutely] the best talk show on the planet. The Colbert Report. Most of you probably don't know it, but it rapes Rove to death on the awesome meter, and every other meter. [Except for the suck-o-meter, first developed by Nikola Tesla.]

Some of you might not like it because its very, very American [that's a part of its whole image] and I can respect that, but Stephen Colbert IS hilarious, and anyone who says other wise will feel my wrath. Basically, watch it some time and see if you like it.

But not at the moment, because he's on holiday. And stupid mother fucking ABC2 is clearly a cheap son of a branch davidian, becuase instead of putting on something else in that slot for the two weeks or so that he out, they're playing reruns.

Now, this crap is okay for normal TV shows, but in no way does it work for a talk show. Firstly, the reruns that they are using are from very, very recently. As in last week. They don't even bother to choose one which we could pretend to be a reall new one as well, because on the one aired tonight, Stephen Colbert wished me happy earth day.

IT'S NOT EARTH DAY.

For Chtulu's sake people, get off your asses.

Aaaaannnndddd........Discuss!

Apparently, people don't like discussing things. Not only does hardly anyone talk in tutorials at uni, but I've had fuck all posts on the discussion boards on The Infinite Container' fb page. All of two comments have been made, and they were both by mentally unstable women in the book club section. Why??

Is it that you're all too shy?? That can't be it, because I know for a fact Alex Briggs reads this blog at least semi-regularly, and hes about as shy as Paris Hiltons vagina. Perhaps the internet makes people shy... no that can't be it, then chatroullette wouldn't exist. Is that none of you have anything interesting to say?? Maybe a little more realistic, but stillnot enough to stop comments. Besides, it's not like that ever stops anyone.

Hold on....did I tell you people that the discussion boards were there?? I don't recall if I did. Hmmm. I suppose that would explain it. And you wouldn't have learnt it from fb as they don't even tell me when messages are posted. 'Tards.

Well then, heres me telling you. There's one for blog suggestions, one for book club suggestions, one for giving the name and hopefully adress of those sick people who haven't read Harry Potter and a final one for posting words you've made up out of previous words that are funny or awesome or useful [which I think I've already mentioned].

Aaaaannnndddd.........Dicuss!

Papa Google

I have heard some interesting things about Google recently. Actually come to think of it I may have heard them before on Hungry Beast, but I can't quite recall. Anyway, most of what I'm hearing is negative, and most of it makes a reasonable case.

Googe knows everything about you. Practically everything you have ever looked up is saved on their hard drives. Every facebook stalk, every crazy [often Japanese] porn fetish you looked up just to see if it was real [and that's all, we swear!].

My opinion on this is something along the lines of so what?? I mean really, what are they going to do with that other than use it to determine what things I like and make the ads I see reflect that. Yes, they could make me see things that I like. The scoundrels!

And I've heard crap about them muscling out the competition in the online ad business or some crap. But come on, how is it their fault that people want their product?? Should they be chastised [punished] for making something that works and every one else who are entirely capable of not using GoogleAds freely choosing to use it??

Basically what I'm getting at is that despite the naysayers, I still love you Papa Google, I still love you.

Word-Mash!

Have you ever wondered where words come from? Like, who decided that dogs would be called dogs, etc. Well even if you haven't [which is probable because sane people don't really think about these things] I have on many occasions, and though I haven't come up with an answer, I have realised something relevant [for once]:

It must have been really fucking hard.

I mean, there's what? 50,000 words in english. That tally probably doesn't even count all the technical and scientific ones. And thats just english. Think of all the other languages. German has a word for practically every phrase that we have. How many fucking words would that take??!!

I tried to make up words today. One was successful and described the magical ability of Jamila's backyard to be anywhere it want's to be [it's also massive with hills and rivers and a snow place where Santa takes his summer holidays], but I forgot that coz it was long. Then while waiting for the loop bus I tried to make a word for when I served people. Here's how it went:

"How can you merge my nameand served?? Perved?? No." /Shannon bursts into laughter.

After successfully making an ass of myself, I came to the conclusion that making new words was often disastrous, and therefore awesome. [Obviously.] As such, new discussion board thing for new words on the fb page. Say the word and what it means.

DO IT NOW!!!!

John Dies At The End

I honestly don't know how to write this blog. The book just defies description.

Well, the author, David Wong, is the [or an, I'm nor entirely sure] editor of CRACKED.COM. If you have never been on this site, then you have never truly lived, but thats a different blog all together.

It's a horror novel, and it is so mind-bogglingly good...I just don't know how to put it into words. It's a sort of twisted fantasy, with ghosts and demons and shadow people and magic and hardcore drugs. THere's this one point where they need to get through a ghost door, and a girl with a hand missing is with them, but [either from magical drugs or ghost-glasses] they can see a ghost of her hand there, and she uses that to open the door, and it's awesome.

Come to think of it, that quote in an earlier blog about walking around the planet, thats from this book.

I really, really want every last one of you and every other human being to read this book.

One Reason [Of Many] That Kristy Beck Disgusts Me

I can forgive many flaws, and considering all of the people who I count as my friends, that is very easy to see. I have friends who are racist, misogenistic, ethnic, female, buddhist, bogan, dero, hippy and even scottish, so you can see that I don't judge too much.

But I have to draw the line. And this... freak... named Kristy Beck has crossed it. I have known her to have a number of flaws before, none of which I really minded, despite my insults to the contrary. But today I learned something about her which goes beyond the norm, beyond the acceptable.

She's never read Harry Potter. Never. Read. Harry. Fucking. Potter. Not one of them. Just the movie. I nearly had a stroke when she told me. Again, she HAS NEVER READ A HARRY POTTER BOOK. None. She even only owns the first one.

Not only that, but she thought that Harry should have ended up with Hermione. What person with any decency or knowledge whatsoever would think this piece of crap?? Take the hint. I managed to rationally argue her down from this point, thank god, and she assures me that she plans on reading them soon.

All can say is that you'd better Kristy. Non-believers don't deserve life.

I know I've already posted a blog today [and like, ten minutes ago] but I need to get something off of my chest. I never get email from human beings. Like, the only times I do are responses to mine or when someones gone, yeah I'll email you the link or the info or whatever.

And this isn't me fishing for people to all of a sudden start sending me emails. No, people doing that in response to this would just be insulting. I just want to know if theres a reason that no one ever tries to contact me. Even texts I only get when people are looking for me so that they're not alone. Am I just, unpleasant, or something??

Attack Of The Moist Toilet Paper

You know all of those weird, stupid gags you see in mostly old TV shows and movies?? You know the ones I'm talking about; where all sorts of corny bull shit happens that would never happen in real life because no one and nothing is that retarded?? The most prolific of which being then someone comes out of the toilet with toilet paper stuck to their shoe??

Well that happened today.

Yes, as a friend of mine came out of the toilet with a few of us waiting for her [coz she takes ages], she came out of the toilet with toilet paper stuck to her shoe. I won't embarass her by telling you who. ... ... ... Nah just kidding, it was Shannon. But it leaves me wondering; How the fuck did toilet paper get stuck to her shoe??

I mean, for that to happen, there had to be toilet paper on the ground [or at least I should hope so]. Now that alone isn't that horrible for public restrooms, in fact its almost an industry standard. But for her to step on it and not realise it, there had to be a good deal of it on the floor [or maybe I'm just being a bit too kind in my estimation of her intelligence, take your pick]. And in order for it to stick the way it did [and boy did it stick] it would have had to be wet.

A public toilet; floor covered in damp toilet paper. Gross.

Stop Asking. Stop Asking. Stop Asking. STOP ASKING.

People ask some stupid questions. And I mean really stupid ones. There's that whole, "Are you okay??" thing that I'm not even going to go into [coz it's so stupid], and theres people who ask if the current topic of conversation is awkward when it clearly is.

One of the most annoying to me is when people ask a question repeatedly, as if you're just going to change your mind. And I'm not talking about big questions like "will you go out with me??", which often do require a little thought beforehand. [It's hard to blow people off nicely.] I'm talking about questions like "Have you had enough to eat??"

And not just as you finish a meal, no, that wouls make too much sense. They'll ask you then, and then maybe two minutes later they'll ask you again. And then another two minutes later. And then another two minutes later. Ad infinitum. [Not really, but it seems like it.] They just keep asking. Like that whole meal will be digested in the space of five minutes.

It can be applied in a whole bunch of situations, and usually people either don't do it or are repeat offenders. Often they are grandmothers. Think about that. If you do this, odds are that YOU ARE A GRANDMOTHER!!!

If You're Good, Be Good

If you're good at something, you should do it. If you're not good at something you should not do it. It's very simple. But for some reason [probably utter stupidity] a lot of people in a lot of different fields [who are sometimes good at the first one] keep assuming that they MUST be just as great, if not greater, at some other one.

The most famous of these is when an actor gets successful and assumes they must be great musicians too [Russel Crowe will NEVER receive enough crap for this] or vice versa. Yes, sometimes it does work out well. But rarely.

The one that's grating my cheese [best phrase ever] at the moment is [shock-horror!] in the realm of video games. Specifically, putting the wrong types of games on certain platforms. I'm going to start with something any one who has played this sort of ting will already know, RTS games are UTTER CRAP on gaming consoles. There is an exception here or there, but generally, they just suck. The sticks dont do enough, theres way more buttons then necessary, its just gay.

On the exact polar opposite of this pectrum is FPS games on computers. I'lll say right now, they all suck. Here, there are not enough buttons; keyboards just aren't ergonomic enough to be effective. And I don't care what people say about the mouse, it DOES NOT help with gameplay. Some sorts of more arcade-style shooters or hack-n-slash style game can work, but not always.

Don't really know how to end this interestingly. "Did you know that if you walked around the world, your hat would travel thirty feet more than your shoes??"

Commentphilia

Acoording to multiverse theory, there is an infinite number of universes, and everything that could possibly happen has happened, is happening, and will happen.

Since it is physically possible for it to happen, that means that right now, and for every point in time in eternity, we are having crazy naked sex. And every type of sex imaginable. I'm talking devices.

That was your punishment for me practically never getting comments.

But with that unpleasantness [which you know you love] over and done with [not really; remember eternity] I can get on with my point, which is comment more. Seriously. Even if it's just like "hey, I liked this one heaps" or something. Or if theres a situation that you can relate to or have experienced or anything at all.

Come on people, this is the internet, it's not meant to be a one-way medium. Help foster the beautiful potential of the internet.

Or else alternate-universe-me will take it to the next level.

Let's Get Born Again!

Today I got handed a tiny little leaflet titled "Steps to Peace With GOD" [there are four of them] from an indian guy while I was getting onto the uni bus. He wasn't one of those crazy preacher people who are all in your face like; "Don't you love God?! Why don't you love God?! You should love God!!" He wasn't that bad; harmless really. He was just like "Are you a christian? [politely nod head] You shold be born again." Very calmly, could have been convincing if it wasn't the same contest. Guy missed his calling as a conman. [Or did he?]

It wasn't a bad experience is what I'm trying to say [very poorly], but it did get me thinking on something that has been on my mind for as long as I knew these sort of people [loons] existed. Do they get how crazy they are?? I mean, I believe that there's a big difference between knowledge and belief, but even if they do believe what they're spouting [which I think they do], do they at least know how crazy what thet believe is??

The deep, dark and surprisingly altruistic recesses of my mind [along with the rational ones] would like to think so. It's kind of hard to explain, but believing that lets me believe that they're real people.

Even if I know that they're not.

World War Z

Now this here is a great fucking book to get the ball rolling. Mother-fucking World War Z by Max Brooks.

The whole point of the book is zombie apocalypse, and it pulls the whole damn thing off perfectly. The beauty of this book comes from the writing style. Each chapter is broken up into sections, and each section is a relevant section of an interview with one of many characters, telling their experiences, how the whole thing went down, etc., and it really gives the book a powerful eomtional pull.

I can promise you by the the end of the first little section in the first chapter [where a doctor encounters fucking Patient Zero] you will be hooked. It is over 300 pages long and I finished it in two days. I could hardly put the thing down.

Apart from that, the book really doesn't mess aronud. The very personal instances of survival suck you in like you're actually there. Part of the story of the book is the writer was working for the UN collecting data, so there's a lot of logistical stuff about what happened all over the world. And I mean all over the world. There a countries which got decimated, a couple which thrived and one that had actually planned ahead.

I can't really explain how awesome this book is. You just have to read it.

My Book's Bigger Than Your Book

You know what?? None of you fuckers read enough god damned books. There, I said it. I read every fucking day. Rarely more often than I watch TV or dvds obviously, but it can and does happen. Books are fucking good to read.

I have over a thousand dollars worth of the printed word in my bedroom alone. We should all read more god damned books. I don't really even think I read as much as I should, but come on, lets cut us all a little slack. I just think you should all read a bit more. I mean, surely you could manage at least ONE book a month?? Couldn't you??

And there's so many benefits. I don't care what anyone says, they make you smarter. Basically everyone who knows me well gets that I'm smart. And I attribute 35% of all of that to my life long reading habits. They are also fun. Some things actually can only be funny when they're in text [like much of CRACKED.COM], and there are a lot of funny as books out there.

But why would you listen to me?? Because I'll force you to. From now on, I'm starting my own damn book club. And not some crappy Oprah one. One with good books. At least once a week I'll set one on you, and I won't put it on a set day. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHEN IT MAY STRIKE. That way, those of you who like books will read every day to try and catch it, and those who don't will still read everyday because they won't know how to avoid it.

And if you are already a devoted book nerd and want to suggest one to me, you go right on ahead. Email the title and author to me at infinitecontainer@gmail.com with the subject "book club" [with out the freking quotations people] and I've alrady set it up to go to its own little folder for me to constantly check.

Prepare to be literaturised, bitches.

It Never Stops....

Everyone thinks that their life is hard, and usually they're right. My life is hard in various ways, but not least of them is having my brain. You think I confuse you?? It's no better for me. And I have to put up with it ALL THE TIME.

Having a brain that never stops moving and won't stop thinking [it gets so bad that I have about half as much sleep as I should be having] can have it's advantages. It makes stuff like this easier, and writing things like essays, plus generally being smart, what with all that spare time to just remember crap. But it really hampers on some fronts. Like I don't really have much control over where my thoughts go; they just stick to something. And it sticks to pretty depressing stuff a lot.

Of course it can be advantageous. I have some pretty fucking amazing ideas. I mean, mindblowing stuff which I write down and slowly work on. Eventually all of the ones I follow through with will be masterpieces. I say it like that because the mind-crazy screws with focusing on one project.

Sometimes I wish that I was some brainless little no one. Content enough to just go through life, have friends, work, buy stuff I don't need, be totally ruled by other people, have no opinion on anything, never have to worry about creating anything wonderful. And it would be easier.

But then I remember how awesome I am. And how awesome people who have opinions and creativity are. And then I say "Fuck Mindlessness".

Sometimes out loud. Sometimes in public places. And then people stare...

Look Out, It's Crappy Music Videos!!!!

I like music. I like music videos. Usually. But people do some pretty screwed up things when writing or directing anything, and the music video arena is no exception.

Mostly this applies to music videos that take on a sort of short film style. Many music videos have no sort of plot or reason to the images at all, and that's fine. But when the music video does have a plot, that plot needs to have something to do with the song. For instance, Thriller had a plot, and it was relevant to the song, so it was good.

The example that set me off here is the film clip to "Telepone" by Lady Gaga. I'm no going to make any arguments about how good it was [Anyone who needs to be told it sucked is beyond being reasoned with]. But it did have a plot. That plot was about being put into prison, being in prison, breaking out of prison, and for some reason I'm not aware of, poisoning a bunch of random people people in a diner, just coz.

Now, in case you're stupid or don't listen to Lady Gaga, the song is about her not wanting to answer her phone so she can dance. In a club. But in the video, when she does answer a phone and sing the chorus, shes currently in a room. In the prison. It is stupid. It is nothing more than Lady Gaga wanting her own Thelma & Louise rip-off, not having a song that fits, and so forcing it upon a completely irrelevant song that could have had a good video.

And I remember the music video to "Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off" [perhaps true, but unecessarily long] by Panic! At The Disco. The song is about teens having sex/ breaking up or something a bit along those lines. And the video is about a world of people with fishbowls full of water around their heads, and if they break the people die, and when they die they get put into the ocean.

Artistic, yes. Interesting, yes. On its own, very good. But when paired with a song about teens and sex?? FUCKING TERRIBLE. What the fuck does teen sex have to do with fishbowl-head-people?? NOTHING.

Seriously people, what the fuck??

My Two Cents

You see that amount of money up there in the title?? That happens to be the amount of money I've made off of this blog. I know right? Rolling in the dough.

Seriously, the way it sounded on the google adsense thing, it sounded like I'd actually make money. Sure I'd still have to eventually get off my ass and get a job [being awesome], but still, I though it would procure something. And no, two cents does NOT count as something. It is in fact two cents away from being less than nothing. How does that make sense? Because I'm awesome, that's how, fuckers.

Okay I don't know what that little outburst was. Maybe me feeling underappreciated or something. I legitimately don't know. Some psychology student I am.

But there's good news! You can actually make me more money! How? By checking this blog regularly, and just letting your screen load those annoying advertisements. And if you see something you're actually interested in, go ahead and click it, that's even better for me [who desires money]. [Unless it's a dating ad. If you click on one of them I don't love you anymore. because you're not a person.]

Enough of a rant for you? Well TOO BAD.

"Cold is god's way of telling us to burn more catholics." Just let those last three words sink in.

Kate's - Ambitous Much??

Wow. I'm sure you're all aware of this, but apparently, this girl named Kate is having a party at her apartment. I'm invited. You're invited. Fucking EVERYONE is invited. over 6,000 people have RSVP'd as attending, with hundreds [including myself] on the maybe list. God damn!

If only a fifth of the the people who say that they're going turn up, thats still over a thousand freaking people trying to cram their body's into the one apartment. And don't think they don't know. They know full well from the party description that over 6,000 people reckon that they're coming.

So let's go with a thousand people. That's almost undoubtedly the biggest house party in South Australia's history, maybe Australia's. [It's not the worlds by any means - stupid Japanese/Chinese/Indian people and their overpopulation, how dare they!?!] This one's for the history books.

How does something like this happen?? Well, arguments could be made. You could say that some people just got a hold of a public party and invited all their friends, which they did in turn and got the ball rolling. Or perhaps a large number of these people thought it would be funny to say they were attending a strangers party and it got out of hand. Maybe all of these people are letting Kate know beforehand that they plan on gatecrashing her party [it's the only polite thing to do]. But really, all you can make of this is that the world is strange place that bizarre things happen in, and they make me very, very afraid.

Also, they have a freaking corporate sponsor. Don't get me wrong, capitalism is awesome [and if you say otherwise I will FUCKING MURDER YOU] but come on, have a little soul.

Then again, as the fb page says, poor kate DOES have a lot of sandwiches to make.

P.S. I'm adding this after the fact, but what's with the turban thing?? Seriously??

I Talk Funnier Than I Type

It's really hard to plan to be awesome ona regular basis. Seriously, it's almost painful. There's already been a whole bunch of times in this alone where I've sat in front of the screen for like twenty minutes [which is roughly equivalent to an hour for normal people] just trying to come up with something to start the blog off.

And it's really annoying how once I've started, the awesomeness just all pops out practically instantaneously. I guess it's good that that part gets done with fast, but it's almost like my awesomeness is taunting me with itself, if that makes sense [I don't think it does]. Although now that I think about it, that's exactly what I would do in my awesomenesses situation so I guess that that makes sense.

I've considered cutting this down to a monday, wednesday, friday type deal, but keep deciding against it. I mean, you people all depend upon me to make you not feel meaningless, how could I do that to you?? Also, I'm a prideful, stubborn little bastard who won't admit defeat [especially if it's against myself]. No, that three day format will probably apply to one of my vlog series, once they finally start. [Don't get your hopes up.]

On that, I legitimately feel that I would provide better awesomeness and enterainment on video. Not from any aesthetic benefits, lord no. I'm just better at speaking my message across than typing it [and considering how most people use text, they can relate]. I just talk funnier than I type. Not entirely sure what the whole thing would look like or anything, but it would be good.

And you'd love me even more than you do now. [Which is probably already at an unhealthy level.]

Applicants For Prophet Now Open!

Okay, I have to be honest here; in no way do I have enough time to make a whole, fully fledged religion, that doesn't suck [kind of a key point], all on my lonesome. Plus, if capitalism has taught us anything, it's that the division of labour makes everything work better.

So here's the skinny; I need contributors to help me form up the whole shebang. It doesn't really matter what it is, as long as it's appropriate and at least a little awesome. Firstly, theres a few rules I want to set forth:

1. It is polytheistic
2. The role of the two most powerful gods plus the [sort of] devil are already taken
3. There can't be some in all and end all explanation. We don't rea lly comprehend the gods.
4. There is to be no human involvement. Humans are entirely seperated from all gods and divine beings, they are in what will be treated as different universes.

Aside from these, go nuts. Make up something, anything, and send it on. A tiny snipet like "there should be a love goddess" will get you a slap in the face next time I see you, because that's not an idea, that's a piece of crap. Something resembling a profile of that god/goddess and at least an outline for any story about them is needed. Hell, if you can comee up with something finished and perfect, more power to you.

If you do get selected, I'll probably work with you to process and improve the stuff into a final product. Depending on how important your deity is going to be, I might want a lot on them, so be prepared for some work. But you will be rewarded witht he title of prophet for that deity, and a permanent place of respect within the faith.

Send them to me however you like. [infinitecontainer@gmail.com] is probably the best bet.

Shitface

You know what sucks about having friends?? When they don't do what they're supposed to. I mean, I can understand when it's some awkward situtation or they don't know what's really appropriate for them to do, that shit happens to me all the fucking time. But when I specificly tell them that I want/need them to do something, then they don't, and their excuse is "I did once, but then I didn't" [Kelsky] is hardly forgivable.

And on the topic of Kelsky; what a retard. I was eating with him in food court in the city today, and he said something along the lines of: "I keep thinking that I saw people I think I know, but then when I check to see if its who I think they are, it's not who I thought it was", except it was twice as long with three times as many instances of a variation of the word thought and it basically made my brain spontaneously implode.

Plus basically the first thing he bought when we got to the city was a giant [potential spoiler deleted]. Seriously, he walked around the whoe time with a giant [potential spoiler deleted]. Plus he kept taking us to [secondary potential spoiler deleted] shops. Coz we SO didn't look gay to anyone.

And he pressured me into buying a book I could hardly afford. Although it is amazingly awesome. Does that count as a positive?? If the book was bad it wouldn't. And I suppose I did manage to coin a new term today: testicle-pop. [As in; "That's testicles-poppingly awesome."]

Ah to hell with it, I'm going to go watch TV.

China's Belive It Or Not

Today at video ezy I hired a movie called Three Kingdoms: Resurrection of the Dragon. I doubt that you've heard of it. It's from China. And I'm can't believe that I'm saying this, but those commy scumbags actually made a semi-decent movie. WITH OUT JACKIE CHAN IN IT!!!

Even more surprising was the previews for movies that come up before the menu. Of the two, one seemed a little dull, but the other, called Red Cliff, actually made me brain-gasm harder than I did when I saw the ad for 300. Yes, that is exactly how it happened. I was shocked too. The movie did look amazingly awesome though. And it's from John Woo, so it'll probably deliver.

It's only recently that I even knew China made real movies [though in hindsight, the loss of Jackie Chan probably meant they had to]. And not just them. About two weeks ago I learnt that fucking Iran is making films. The rest [well, not the rest, but some of them] of the middle east too. And I've been told that some of them are pretty good. I of course haven't seen any [just... no].

And I'm sure everyone has at least heard of Bollywood, which doesn't too bad for itself, at least in India. Plus, don't forget all of those movies that com from Japan [although it's probably a good idea to keep all that tentacle rape stuff repressed. Unless you're into it].

Add all of this together, and what does it mean?? That no matter what place you're at or what culture you're from, everyone likes movies because they're awesome.

You're Not Turning Japanese / I'm A Horrible Person

Up until fairly recently, I have known fairly few people of racial minorities. Chalk it up to my area, my schools being racist, whatever, but I haven't known many. Most of those I have known have been asian, and most of them again have been Phillipino, but what I'm about to say applies to all asian peoples western [yee-haw!] countries, though only a minority of them. I'm saying that because I'm not being racist here.

Isn't it just hilarious when asian people who aren't japanese pretend and act like they are?? When they think that they're ninja?? Just coz they're asian. Well you're not.

I have a friend who is Phillipino and think's he's japanese. Well YOU'RE NOT ASIA BOY!!! [Even if you are ninja.]

On the subject of Asia Boy, I call him that because he's the token minority of our little group. And since that's all I ever call him and I'm a terrible friend, at one point about two weeks ago, I actually forgot his name. One of my best friends, and I just flat out forgot what his fucking name is. Probably because the Asian thing is all that's important. [Okay that was a little racist, but he loves it. In the anus.]

God I'm a horrible person.

I Am Starting My Own Religion

I am awesome. It's just a fact. There's not enough space on the internet to define just how awesome I am, so that's not what I'm going to do [as much as I may like to]. What I am letting you know is that I plan on starting my own religion. [You probably caught that from the title. If you did not, you're a fucking retard and I hope you catch chlamydia.]

Yes, you will all one day be able to have the pleasure of worshipping a religion founded by me [unless I don't like you; then you can fuck right the hell off]. No, I'm not making myself god [yet], I'm not that full of myself [I am]. And it is going to be awesome. Taking a leaf from one of the many, many, many books by L. Ron Hubbard, I'm just going to make up awesome crap like you wouldn't believe.

There's going to exactly 52 gods [that'll also be our holy number], they'll all have complex personalities and behaviours and preferences and their own way of being worshipped. I'm going to come up with awesome stories for all of them. There will be evil ones and good ones and ones that are just nuts. There will be a ruling council sort of thing, and lesser divine beings made by the gods.

It's going to be sweet.

The Revelations Of No One In Particular

You know what's batshit insane?? One of my friends [if you are one, you know who I'm talking about]. And he just now at the time of writing is wrapping up a particularly brutal piece of insanity which I shall henceforth dub the Revelations Of No One In Particular. What is it? Him statusing a very brief bio of basically everyone he knows and a few other things.

The reason that it's called the Revelations Of No One In Particular is because he can hardly be granted the sole knowledge of any of these prior to now. Essentially everyone knew them, many of them were often spoken aloud, all of them are true.

Why is he doing this?? Personally, I think that's more important than the content [and if you really have to know, he says he just doesn't care anymore, which I respect]. If I did something like this [which I often do, though on a smaller scale] it would be because the people I'm criticizing need to be criticised and those who I'm praising need to be praised. How else would people learn to be less crappy or know they were being awesome?? Of course, not all fit into this dichotomy, but still.

But the effects of this are unfortunately doomed to be minuscule. The people he is expressing as awesome will be flattered for a day, then go back to either being awesome knowingly or being punished by the world for being awesome, just as they were before. Those he is criticising [who are all people who hate him, because he's impartial] are about as likely to take it to heart as Japan is to NOT get attacked by godzilla this week and everyone cope by raping the same dog in succession [re: this is really fucking likely]. And not just because it's them [for either capacity].

This all just works like that. Nothing is going to change very much. But isn't that little effect worth the trouble?? Isn't letting those awesome people know they're awesome worth it?? Isn't the off chance that people will better themselves worth the effort??

Depends what's on TV, I suppose.

Zombie-philia

I love zombies. They are one of the most awesome things that have ever been conceived. I can envision a chainsaw ripping one to pieces right now [yummy]. And I am definately NOT the only person who feel s that way. Most every one I know and the thousands of people who make zombie movies and games possible also love zombies. But let's have a little look at why that might be.

So why would people be in love of the idea of zombies?? Firstly; fear. People love having that rush of sheer terror run through them in these sorts of horror situtations. But that can't be the only reason. There are plenty of horror genres out there, many of which far more realistic than zombies. So there has to be more.

Next comes something I have touched upon already. Violence. I am in no way convinced that there is a single human being who doesn't have the drive to destroy and slaughter; it's just how we are. And a horde of mindless, bloodthirsty zombies gives everyone free reign to main as we please. We like that. [Or at the very least, I LOVE it.]

But something I think most people don't realise about their love for zombies is how they like the idea of simplicity. Imagine it; a zombie apocalypse, you and a few other survivors trying to....survive. All that would matter is getting food, fighting of zombies, getting food, fighting of zombies. Of course it would certainly not be so easy or good [in fact I imagine it would be terrible], but a lot of people want their lives to be less complicated.

There's not really a lot to say to that either. Who doesn't want a more stright forward life??

Why Would You Be Like That??

As I've said before, no one should ever like or dislike a band for any reason other than their music, and if you don't like them you have to respect that others do. For instance, given the opportunity, I would have every single rapper EVER brutally executed via castration with rusty objects and subsequent crucifixion [those romans knew how to get shit done!], but I'm willing to accept that other [retarded] people like them.

Now when I say that, I mean it. And I am SO GOD DAMNED SICK of people who go on and on about the bands they like going MAINSTREAM and how they liked them "before they were famous" and how I "only like them coz they're on the radio". WELL OF COURSE I ONLY LIKE THEM COZ THEY'RE ON THE RADIO!!! How else would I have ever heard of them you fucking retard??!!

And those people who stop liking a band because they're famous. Seriously?! How could you no longer like a bands music just because other people do?? Are you really that shallow and vapid?? Do you really need a band to be obscure and unknown in order to like them?? Do you have to be able to go on about how you're more "deep" and "musically knowledgable" or some other fucked-up bull shit in order to ENJOY MUSIC???!!!!!!

If you ever truly liked this band or its musicians, you should be fucking stoked that everyone else is getting in on how amazing they are. Or how beautiful they're music is. If you feel otherwise then YOU ARE A BAD PERSON. If they're musical style has changed or you've just gotten sick of them, that is acceptable, but deep down, you will always know if that really is the case, and if it's not, then you will always know just how despicable you are. [Entirely.]

There is no but and there are no exceptions. A BAD PERSON.

Children Need Decent Names

I want to have children some day. Not for a good while, certainly, but that is definately one of my goals in life. As I have said before, I have many complex beliefs about rasing children. This is about none of those.

I hate shitty names. There are many shitty names, and many of them fall into categories. Here are four of them;

1. Named after a Flower. Seriously, what decent, respectful person names their child after a shitty flower?? Rose, Lily, etc. are all terrible, terrible names.
2. Named after a Day/Month. Probably committed by the same parent/retard who would commit the above. Can you not imagine how stupid and pointless and potentially confusing this could be?? eg. "My name is August and I was born in July."
3. Named after a City. The only instance I know of this is Paris. It no longer means beautiful. Today, it means spoilt, slutty whore. And for boys it means "Beat the shit out of me right now." Who would do this to their child??
4. Named after a Country. Again, thankfully rare; in fact I've only heard of it once. I know a guy named Israel. Nice guy, but a fucking horrible name. It's a country, NOT A PERSON.

"But what's wrong with giving my child one of these names??" A retarded parent may ask this. Firstly, whatever you may think about innocence, children are cruel, heartless little bastards. They will torture your child for having a crap name. And adults are no better. Your child will suffer for their whole life.

Also, why give them a sucky name when you could give them one that's, you know, not sucky?? My children's names?? Well I don't have any, but I am rather fond of Conner and Chloe. I do have a plan for my first son though; Tadakatsu [as in Tadakatsu Honda].

Fuck You Guy

I enjoy made-for-adult cartoons. [Not hentai; regular cartoons you sick-minded weirdoes.] There a hierarchy of liking, and reasons for it, but that's not what I'm getting at. Today [or tonight, depends on when you're reading I suppose], I want to talk about Family Guy. Or one particular aspect of it.

Firstly, I DO like Family Guy. By no means is it my favourite show, but if it's on I'll watch it, and often laugh. But the thing which infuriates me about Family Guy is the way it rips on other, and very much better, shows. I have seen it rip on Two And A Half Men, The Big Bang Theory, House and it probably has many others. The problem with this is that they are all much better shows than Family Guy.

They are all have much better acting. They all have much more inricate emotions that bring you in and relate you to the characters [more so in House, but the others too]. They are all better written. They are all funnier, and their jokes are all more or less relevant to either the characters, the theme of the show or the plot. Not random, pointless and interchangeable jokes unrelated to anything.

And I'm not criticising that writing style; as I said before, it can be pretty hilarious sometimes. But that in no way gives Family Guy the right to rip on any other show, especially if they are actually better than it. The only person who would like Family Guy more than any of the three shows above is someone who frankly should not procreate, for the betterment of the species.

So Family Guy staff [assuming you all read my blog and take it seriously], stick to what you're good at, and leave your superiors alone.