We Care About The Music, And Nothing Else

A lot of crap goes around accusing Lady Gaga of being a man/hermaphrodite/Illuminati [seriously], and I feel like I should air my views on this topic. Firstly, there is no evidence to any of these, although I admit I haven't heard her explicitly deny any of them [despite confessing to being gay]. Secondly, if any one or more of these is true, who gives a fuck??

Seriously, in what way does anyone care if she's a crossdresser or a hermaphrodite. Do you listen to any musician purely because of their gender/sexuality?? [If yes, you do not deserve life.] I like Lady Gaga's music because I like her music. She could be a fuckind alien from Alpha Centauri who came as an asylum seeker from some great space war and it would have no effect on my opinion of her music whatsoever [although I'd definately want to hear about space war].

Similarly, I don't think that Michael Jackson was a paedophile, but I'm willing to accept that he may have been, and at the very least certainly did seem like one at times. No matter who you are or what you felt about MJ, you have to concede that there was something not right in his head, whatever it was. And despite that, I did not care at all. Why?? Because he made good music, that's why. In all honesty, how many people ever gave a crap about his obvious weirdness?? He made good music, that's all we cared about.

I have never met Lady Gaga, and somehow I doubt I ever will, and I reckon most [re: all] of the people who say shes a man/hermaphrodite have either. So how do they know?? They don't. And why do they care?? Because they're retards.

South Korea May Be The Best Country On Earth

There are many different jobs which I would enjoy having; God of the Universe taking first place. But a bit lower down that ladder [and the first realistic one] is proffessional gamer. Haven't heard of those?? That's because they don't really exist in most english speaking and 'western' countries outside of game testers and reviewers.

But in one glorious, uptopian country their proffessional gamers are equivalent to rock stars, gathering fame and fortune with one sweep of their arm. And that's not just the pinnacle people. No, the lower echelons of proffessional gamers still get money and respect on the level of semi-successful musicians. It surely is a paradise.

And how do they make this money you may ask?? Well, because the people of South Korea are far more elightened than those of the west and value video gaming so highy [as all people should], many of them are willing to pay the same amount people here do for concerts to go see these things, and they are regularly televised. Add all that up with sponsors on par with near-top level European Football stars, and I think you get the picture. These people play video games to get rich AND make everyone happy.

In South Korea RTS [Real Time Strategy] games are, to the best of my knowledge, the most popular genre with Starcraft and Warcraft III tournaments laying claim to godlike numbers of fans. FPS [First Person Shooters] are also popular, and both also have tournamanets in Europe and North America. As far as I am aware, there are none in Australia.

And while I've been describing how awesome proffessional gaming is [and if you haven't picked that up your either stupid or hat video games, so I hate you] you may have wondered what game I would play proffessionally. Well, thats a little hard. I like FPSs, but I'm not very good at them. If I got to choose any, it would be Samurai Warriors 2 [which is the best game ever made], because I honest to god kick ass at it. But I don't think there's tournament for that, so in the RTS realm, I'd probably like Age Of Empire III, or if I had to settle, Warcraft III.

Why Are They Funny?? Just...Why??

One morning, many months ago, when I was just a little year 12, I had gotten to school early, and only one of my friends had also arrived. I'll keep her anonymous [let's call her Kenny]. We were sitting there, and I farted [something that I'm really not prone to]. I was willing to let the whole thing slide into distant memory, but what did Ken-I mean what did Anon. do?? Pissed herself laughing. I did not find it humourus. [Did I spell that right??]

She [Kenny] mentioned this again a week or two ago, asking me "remember how funny that was??" Well I do, and it was not. I just did not find any part of the situation humourus. And I do not get why you did, or why anyone would. I'm not one of those stupid people who is absolutely disgusted by them [you're breathing them in all the time, who cares??] but I just don't get why they're funny.

Is it because they're noisy?? That can't be it, coz apparently me yelling is only funny when my words are discernable. Coz it's a squilchy sort of noise?? Becuase it's made of gas escaping from the body?? Neither of them can be it, because apparently burping isn't awesome [which it totally is by the way].

So...Why?? I just don't get it. Wh-why?? Just...Why??

It's A Child, NOT A PET

I have some fairly complex opinions regarding children, and there's no way I [or anyone who is fit to raise a child] could adequately explain them in one post. There is one however which I can. Your child [and for the sake of argument everyone has a child while they are reading this] is exactly that. A child. A small, vulnerable human being who will one day grow up to be a proper [re: Able to harm others] human being, and the way you raise them will have perhaps be the biggest decider on what they are going to be like when they grow up.

As such, you need to be very careful in they way you raise them. Things like imitation are common [eg. you randomly beating a whole bunch of people up can make them violent], and the way you treat them, particularly at a younger age, have a profound influence on how they see themselves throughout their life. So when put a harness on your child and leash them up like a dog, YOU ARE BEING A FUCKING TERRIBLE PARENT. If you have ever done this, I hate you. If this has ever been done to you, my sympathies.

Seriously. You have them ON A LEASH. LIKE A DOG. What sort of message do you think this gives the child?? That they are no more important to you than a pet, that they need to be watched/tethered at all times and cannot be trusted [it doesn't matter if this is true, it's still bad for self esteem]. Not only that, YOU HAVE THEM ON A LEASH LIKE AN ANIMAL!!!! I can think of nothing more demeaning to a person than this that isn't actually illegal. How would you like it if I tied you to a rope and led you around all day doing pointless shit and either ignoring you or talking to you like you were completely retarded?? What's that, you wouldn't??

WELL NEITHER WOULD THEY IF THEY KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING. And there's a good freaking chance that they will despise you for it when they are older. And you deserve their hatred. In fact, you fucking deserve to die for this. I HOPE YOU DIE. And that your child is given to decent parent(s).

I'm Not Into That

Anyone who is reading this has probably read my previous blog confessing that I think about sex around 40% of the time. But I'd like to elaborate on this a little. In there, I include all of the many, many times when someone says something perfectly innocuous and I turn it hilariously sexual [and we all do that], the times when I judge other peoples attractiveness, and so on. The 40% isn't just me thinking of having sex for that whole time. I probably should have clarified that before, but oh well.

Also, even with such a [supposedly] high level level of sex related thoughts, in no way does that mean I want to have sex all of that time. Don't get me wrong, yay sex, but my life is far from centered around it. Were I in a steady relationship with someone hot who [for some reason] I was able to have sex with whenever I wanted, no matter what [without them pushing for it either], I really wouldn't do it that often. I just, like other things.

And on the topic of steady relationships, I prefer them. With the info from the previous paragraph, you can probably infer that a one-night-stand style situation is something I'm just not into. I get why people would like them, I get the attraction, but they're just not for me. I'm a relationship kind of guy.

No idea why I'm telling you all this. It's probably awkward. I'm going to stop now.

Hey Hey, It's WEDNESDAY!!!! FUCKERS!!!!!

There are plenty of shows on channel 9 which I enjoy watching, so it is with the utmost respect and deference that I say everyone involved in running that network is a complete retard. I have a very good reason for saying this, which I'll get to shortly.

First though, I'd like to say that I can forgive channel 9's other flaws. That crappy rip off of masterchef and A Current Affair are [unfortunately] unavoidable travesties. What I just can't forgive is the [I don't have an insult to put here, there just isn't a word] decision to put Hey Hey, It's Saturday at 7:30, after Two And a Half Men, on FUCKING WEDNESDAY NIGHT!!!!

Seriously, WTF??!! How could this decision possibly have gone through?! Did no one realise how retarded this is?? Seriously? In the boardroom where the schedule was being decided, did no one put their hand and say "Hey guys, doesn't this kind of not make sense??" Because IT. DOESN'T. MAKE. SENSE.

Who came up with this abortion of an idea?? I HOPE YOU DIE OF AIDS!!!!

Yes, retarded decisions have been made before by all of the networks [too angry to think of examples], but come on. I mean, really. What the hell?? I just can't get past this.

Seriously??!! NO ONE??!!

Letters Make Buses [More] Confusing

My knowledge of buses is entirely restricted to the 743, 744, 721 and the 722; beyond them, I am whatever is the bus version of illiterate [and even within them my knowledge is lacking]. The 743 &744 are simple and striaght forward [and conviently stop right in front of my house], but the 721 & 722 are less so.

Here is my basic understanding. Both travel between the city and noarlunga interchange, stopping at both the reynella interchange and flinders medical centre along the way; and between these two locations they're course is virtually identical. Before the reynella interchange, the 722 takes a very long, roundabout course, while the 721 is much more direct. The 721 is always packed. And that's it.

While this small [lets say, four inches] amount of knowledge is enough for my purposes, the whole situation is made much more complicated by the extension of the bus number with a letter. What is the difference between the 721 and the 721A?? I mean, I get that the 721F and 721X are meant to stand for "Fast" and "Express" respectively, but one day I came across the 721R. What the hell is R meant to stand for??

Retarded?? Randy?? Is it some sort of sex-bus?? [If there are any porn writers reading this, I want my name mentioned.] Why would there be a bus of sex?? What if there are old people on it?? Why have I completely changed topic??

Well I've gone off at a tangent, coz I actually know that it is supposed to stand for reynella. This means that it follows the same path from the city to the reynella interchange, but stops there. So it's effectively the 721 with the tip snipped off.

Kind of like a circumcision.

Blogospherical [I Don't Know What That's Meant To Mean]

I have come to the decision that my blog will be week-dayly. That is not word. I mean that I'll make one new post every weekday. Why?? Just coz. Holidays will not be exceptions, with the exception of Xmas [confusing to your little mind, isn't it??]. Even if I get sick I probably still will [whatever you may have been led to believe, it is not difficult to type words], so barring extreme injury or someone I like dying, you will get to read my sweet, sweet goodness.

There is no guarantee what I may blog about too. It might be about cheese, stupid people, why I think all infants deserve to die [in all seriousness, that one is coming], me hating things, me loving things, anything at all. And often I will swear. Or be gross. Or use big words. I'm just like that.

Why am I telling you this?? Well, firstly, so that you know [ya fuckin retard, wasting my time...grumble...] and also because you, as my readers, have a part to play as well. I have now promised you a new post every weekday, and should I fail to provide [except for {see above}] I leave it to you, no, it is your duty to harass me for that. Berate me like it's going out of fashion.

Coz I like it what way.

I Fucking Hate Radio Hosts

I like listening to the radio. It lets me hear songs that I otherwise might not have, leading me to not know popular songs at a party and being osctricised by my friends [only about three of which possess souls]. I also like the radio for the fact that I don't have to choose what comes next, which on a standard bus ride takes up about 15% of the full time I could spend listening to music.

There is however one thing I detest about listening to the radio. No, it isn't the commercials, though they certainly don't help anything. What I hate is the god damned radio presenters eating up song time. And I don't mean the little 'shows' they do like gotcha' calls and talking about stuff, that's usually funny. When the presenters talk into the opening of a song or start talking before it properly finishes is what makes me furious.

I mean really, you can't make it start about THREE FUCKING SECONDS LATER?? Or wait about HALF A GOD DAMNED SECOND for the song to finish?? And it's not like they have anything interesting to say. Whenever they do either of these, it's so they can tell you that you are listening to 107-1, SAFM. [Assuming that is the station you are listening to.] No way!! Really??!! WELL OF COURSE I AM, I TUNED THE RADIO TO THAT STATION YOU RETARD!!!!

God I hope they die. [Except Hamish & Andy, I like them.]

This Post is a Little Weird.

There is a girl who I have noticed at my Uni multiple times but have never spoken to. I know nothing about her; what her name is, what she likes, who here friends are. All I have to go on is her appearance. And to be honest to a weird degree, I have developed what you could term a crush on her. [I don't know the grown-up terminology.]

The first thing that caught my eye was actually her hair; it's long and black. Then I checked what she was wearing, and since then I've been hooked [in as little creepiness as possible]. I cant remember it exactly, but it was a pretty dark purple dress with what I could only discern as black polka dots. On the other occassions I've seen her she has worn black leggings with one of those blue farm-hand style shirts and a plain black top with a pretty [and not slutty] white skirt.

I don't know how you responded to that [or would have if you'd seen it in person], but I love it. I'm so sick of the genericness and objectification of that damn tank top + denim shorts combo that I am physically sickened by it, and this girl, whoever she is, dresses so prettily I want to die. [That sentence makes sense in my head.]

One day last week, we both came around the same corner and nearly walked straight into each other. She made this adorable cross between squeak and a pop and shyly kept walking, barely looking at me. It was wonderful. I'm not good at describing faces, but she was pretty. Bodily, she's a little shorter than me and fairly skinny, and that's all I've got.

I get that I'm creepy. But shes so amazing!

I Want Better Buses

As a four-day per week Uni student, I clock a reasonable amount of bus time. And just like anyone who has ever used the bus system, I have noticed a few flaws, and there are two which get me, at once, on the same bus, every freaking day. That bus is the 721F whih leaves Flinders Medical Centre at 3:26 away from the city.

Firstly, that bus is consistently, with out fail, full. And I don't mean every double seat is taken with a few stangers sharing and a couple standing up, I mean the place is packed full like public transport in freaking India. Okay, it's not quite that bad, and smells less of curry, but still, every square centimetre of seat is taken up and there is no room for people to move around for the army of people standing. And this isn't just every once in a while, it is every fucking day. Those double-length buses exist, and they're even used for the 5:26 one which HAS LESS PEOPLE ON IT!, so why aren't one of these used for Cthulu's sake?

My other complaint is not about the size of the buses, but the age. The usual bus for my 721 [and I have no idea why sometimes it different] was probably top of the line back in 1986, and the crazy-assed, fucked up arrangement of the seats will always confound me. I mean, maybe there would be groups of four on some buses, so I could forgive those which are reversed to face another seat, but those shitty three-person ones which take up enough space for two double seaters that line the wall and have a freaking pole coming up the middle of it has got to be one of the most retarded things I have ever seen. And this doesnt even compare to the rust buckets from the 50's that 've seen as the 600. I get that you only have so much money to spend Adelaide Metro, but how about having buses from the last thirty years instead of a bunch of new stations that, while nice, are IN NO WAY NECESSARY.

Stupid buses.

What the hell was going through my head? [As a child]

I am going to make a horrible confession here. I spend about 30% of my waking thoughts on actual things, 30% either hating someone/thing or just general violent thoughts and the remaining 40% thinking about sex. Sure some days it'll be less, or more, but it all averages around there. Don't believe me? Well it's my head so how the fuck you would know and I hope you die.

So that's how it is. And I'm sure many people [and I'm not just talking guys here] have a similar proportion [maybe minus the violence and hatred], and others whho think about sex even more often in their day. I'm not here to judge anyone, or for anyone to judge me. Or for anyone to judge anyone. Is that all of the possibilities? Okay good. What was I saying? Oh right, no judging.

So why bring it up? Well I have a question readers, and that is what the hell did we think about all the time when we were kids? You know, before we even knew what sex was or were attracted to anything? Seriously, what the fuck did we replace with all that awesome sex-thought? [I plan on patenting that term.] Was it like, TV shows? Was that where we stored that 'innocence' we all completely lost long, long ago? Was that our imagination part of the brain? Is that why we can actively imagine crazy sex with dozens if not hundred of people?

I like to think so.